Confessions from an Ex Fat Boy

My Journey - Reliving it : Week 1

Posted On 10:09 PM by Keeven |

I’m not gonna... eat that pasta. I’m not... gonna eat it. I’m... not gonna eat... Not this time. I chew on these words, force them through my head. Where people have delicious meals, I have plain, dull meals. I'm always at home, eating another meal alone, with constantly repeat of the word CONTROL and a plate of chicken & brown rice. Not forgetting is another jug of water. This is only my second week and I’m sick of it already.

Chew slowly follow by water. Chew and water. And I keep repeating that. This is my method. This is my form of control. This is the system. Listen, the toughest part isn’t the workout. Yes, cardio or lifting can be tough, but it is nothing compare to eating. It’s the diet. The way of eating. Diet is what differentiates success and failure.

I'm hungry again... Why does this always happen? The feeling of starvation and the loud roar in my stomach is killing me. I envy others who get to eat whatever their heart desires without putting on additional pounds. The food I'm having now is always dry and tastes like shit, but at least there is still something in there. Some days, I'm so hungry that I force myself to sit and stare. I break out in a cold sweat. I have to will myself to stop. Yeah, living like this is real agony.

People in the other world, they don’t understand. They can’t. They eat instinctively. For me, eating is another part of my life that must be controlled. I’ve had to learn how to eat, overcome my appetite. It sounds fucked up, but that’s what I gotta do to prepare for this. It sucks and I’ve still got miles to go.
28 Response to 'My Journey - Reliving it : Week 1'
  1. The Amazing Shrinking Girl'> October 6, 2009 at 7:36 AM

    I totally agree about the diet part being the hardest but remember that food is fuel for your body. You shouldn't be starving and you definitely shouldn't be breaking out in cold sweats!

    Now I know you've been doing this longer than me but please remember that food really isn't the enemy. The types of food is.

    How many calories are you getting in a day?


  2. Kai'> October 10, 2009 at 3:44 AM

    This is true! My friends are always saying "eww... wtf are you eating?!?!"

    I don't have any bodybuilding friends or anyone who actually cares about eating healthy food in general.

    Your transformation definitely inspires me Keeven!


  3. Keeven'> October 11, 2009 at 11:56 AM

    Hi everyone.
    You are totally right Annie, we should not be starving ourselves. But I believe my temptations for more food might be due to the disatisfaction of the taste of my meals. Like I say I can't eat like many others. But I also discover ways to fulfill this void. It will be disclose in the weeks to come. And I agree with Kai that there are not many others out there who actually understand us. The moment we decide to walk down this road, our diet will never be the same again. Thanks for all your kind words.

    Ex Fat Boy


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